Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Friend Recognizes My Desperation


(Continuation from Monday of a random and unexpected act of kindness . . . )

Yesterday I shared the story of the European trip two friends and I took in 1976. That posting emphasized the kindness of Evelyn, a friend I met when teaching in Dayton, Ohio. Accompanying us on that trip was Paullene Caraher. She and I had been in the convent together.


Paullene, on the right, and Evelyn in Amsterdam.

         In 1963, Paullene and I taught together in Kansas City, Kansas, and became good friends. By 1968, both of us had left the convent, but remained friends. Thus it was that she visited me during Thanksgiving vacation in Claremont, New Hampshire, where I was teaching 268 juniors during the 1972-73 school year.
         The year was being difficult. In 2011, I posted three stories about how the Claremont students and I clashed for the first three months. If you’d like to read those stories, click here. And here. And here.
         While Paullene and I prepared Thanksgiving dinner, the russet potatoes unexpectedly boiled over. The ring of fire beneath the stainless steel pan flared high, fingering a dishtowel I’d foolish left on the range. The flaming cloth reached upward toward the framed picture on the wall.


         Even as Paullene began calmly to search for baking soda to smother the flames, I panicked. “We’ll burn the building down!” I shouted.
         Grabbing another towel, I swiped the flames. The second towel caught fire in my hand. Dropping it on the floor, I stomped the flames. Then I ran to the window, threw it open, and tossed the tattered cloth outside.
         Frantically racing back and forth, I bumped into the kitchen table, the counter, the windowsill. Now the smell of gas filled the kitchen. “It’s gas,” I shouted at Paullene. “We’ll die!”
         All the while she quietly and efficiently smothered the flame, turned off the gas, and cleaned the dark smudges from the stovetop.
         Halting my frantic activity, I watched her. My breath slowed; the panic subsided. Silently, I slide down the wall to the floor and began to sob.
         It was then that Paullene said, “Dee, what’s wrong?”
         I just shook my head. I didn’t know. The students seemed to despise me. The teachers seldom spoke to me. Life had become unbearable.
         “Dee,” Paullene continued, “you haven’t smiled once since I came. You haven’t laughed.”
         I continued crying.
         “That’s not like you,” Pauline said as she sat down on the floor next to me. “Not like you at all. You’ve always been able—even in the convent—to see humor in everything. What’s happened?”
         Haltingly, I told her about coming to Claremont. About how confused I was. Lonely. Muddled.
         Paullene wrapped her arms round me and rocked me back and forth, crooning, “It’s going to be alright. We’ll get help for you. We’ll find you a psychiatrist to talk to.”
         Biting my lower lip I moaned, “I don’t know how to get a psychiatrist. I just don’t know.” I felt helpless. Totally unprepared for survival.
         “We’ll find help tomorrow,” Paullene assured me. “Now let’s mash those potatoes and have supper.”
         That night I slept as if dead. When I woke, Paullene had news for me. She’d called Dartmouth College. “I made an appointment for you with a woman psychiatrist there,” she said. “She’ll see you on Monday at 4:00.”


The Latin motto for Dartmouth translates to
“a voice crying out of the wilderness.”

         I stared at her, amazed. She made it all seem so easy. School would be out at 3:30 and I could drive to Hanover in a half hour. It was all so uncomplicated. She’d unmuddled my muddle.
         “You’re going to be alright, Dee,” Paullene said. “You’ll smile again.”
         I must have looked doubtful for she said, “Trust me. You will.”
         And I did.
         And even now my heart smiles in remembrance of her kindness when I wandered in the desert of my own despair. When she arrived in Claremont I was lost. With her great good sense and her own steadfastness she rescued me. Such is the strength of a caring friend.                                               
                                      ( . . . to be continued on Wednesday
                                                      with a Random Act of Kindness
                                                                  at Mount Saint Scholastica Monastery.)

40 comments:

  1. People like Paullene are the steady anchors who leave peace in their wake. Everyone needs a Paullene in their lives, and I'm so glad you had her. I'm off to read your other three posts. I don't think I've read any of yours when you were teaching.

    BTW- You described the action so well I could just about smell the towel burning and I gulped when she got it put out!

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    1. Dear Shelly, Paullene came from Arizona and stayed here for a few days. We went together to the sesquicentennial celebration. She remains an anchor in my life.

      And thank you for the kind words about my writing. Your descriptions do the same for me. Peace.

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  2. She was one of your angels. I can only hope someone feels that way about me!!

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    1. Dear Fishducky, I have so many angels in my life--you're one of them! Peace.

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  3. What a friend!!! I too am off to read those other posts.

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    1. Dear Turquoisemoon, thanks for going to the other postings from August 2011. I loved teaching and ended my career by teaching professional editing in night classes at the University of Minnesota. I retired from teaching in 1994 and then retired from editing when I hit 65 in 2001. I've been so blessed because I've liked the jobs I had and got up each morning wanting to do them. That doesn't happen for everyone. Peace.

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  4. I wanted to say something yesterday, but all my thoughts seemed too simplistic. Along the lines of good people attract good people, starting from a young age, and in time learn they are capable of supporting each other. But those are the stories you're telling. I wonder if you will tell us about finding you have touched many, many lives in return. Peace.

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    1. Dear Joanne, how kind of you to say that I have touched others lives. I hope that I have done so gently. Peace.

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  5. Oh I love stories like this, how someone is there right when you need them and can make sense of all the confusion. Thank you for sharing, Dee!

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    1. Dear Karen, Paullene was just here last weekend and once again she helped me make sense out of the muddle my mind was in! She's truly a blessing in my life. Peace.

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  6. This deftly captures the heart.

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    1. Dear Mary, thank you for your comment and for using the word "deftly." Peace.

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  7. The gift of friendship is never to be underestimated or taken lightly. True friends often do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Thank you for sharing this very uplifting story.

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    1. Dear M. J., thank you for stopping by to read and comment on this posting. I went to your blog but the truth is that I'm pretty technologically challenged and I couldn't figure out where to go to read your postings. So help! Peace.

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  8. She sure came through, people like that are hard to come by.

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    1. Dear Pat, somehow, I don't know why or how, people/friends have appeared in my life just when I needed them. I must have a lot of guardian angels! Peace.

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  9. God bless Paullene. She served as a rock, helping you build a foundation. I read the three posts about the students. I think I read the one about celebrating birthdays before, but it was a joy to read it again and to read the other two. What a gift you have for teaching, to this day. I learn from you all the time. I love you, Dee.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Dear Janie, thanks you for complimenting my teaching. Several psychics have told me that I was born to teach. When I left the convent I gave as my reason for leaving that I wasn't a good teacher. It took me twenty more years to realize that when I taught I built community and that this was a gift to the students and to myself. Peace.

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  10. Pauline took your hand and led you to a path of healing. You chose your friends well, Dee.

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    1. Dear Arleen, yes, somehow--I don't even understand the how of it--I've been surrounded all my life by wonderful friends. When Annette died--the friend who had been the closest to being a soul mate for me in the convent and for thirty years afterward--I found myself so grateful that she had chosen me to be her friend. And so my grieving was caught up in the joy of that realization. Peace.

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  11. Hi Dee, We all need that CALMING PERSON in our lives at times ---and Pauline was your 'calming person'... What a great friend. She was in your life at the right time for sure. God Bless those calming people...

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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    1. Dear Betsy, yes, Paullene did calm me down. I simply panicked! Teaching was not going well and all the concern built up in me and that fire just released the valve and I lost my reason! Peace.

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  12. How wonderful that Pauline was able to be your anchor at a time you needed it. And how wonderful that you recognise and affirm the tremendous gift her presence was.
    And when I read your stories about your C and D and F grade students I knew what a gift you provided to them. Support, affirmation, respect. You gave and you received. Which is as it should be.

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    1. Dear EC, I so loved teaching children and young people to believe in themselves. It was a privilege. Peace.

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  13. That's what a true friend is, thank you for sharing!

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    1. Dear Fida Islaih, and thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I went to your site but I was unable to understand how to read what you've posted. I'll try to figure it out. Peace.

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  14. How convenient to have such a calm person in your life, just when you need someone.

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    1. Dear Manzanita, yes, just when I needed her--when I was at my wit's end--she came to visit. A real blessing. Peace.

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  15. What a treasure she was for you that day. I totally admire those who just don't rattle when the rest of us do. They just calmly look around, see the solution and stride towards it. I am so glad she was there for you.

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    1. Dear Arkansas Patti, that's exactly what happened: she didn't get rattled. I'm bopping around like the steel ball in a pinball machine and she's calmly taking care of everything! Peace.

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  16. What a great friend. Calm in a crisis and she knew you were not yourself. She helped you on your way to taking the first steps on a new path. wow! :):)

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    1. Dear Rita, I really wasn't myself. I'm so grateful that a friend of many years, who knew me well, could see that and help me. Peace.

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  17. Sometimes we just need someone to see our situation clearly, Dee. You were lucky to have Paullene.

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    1. Dear Perpetua, yes, I was lucky and blessed and fortunate because I was falling apart. Peace.

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  18. Paullene sounds like an amazing woman and a calm one at that not freaking out as you tried to burn both of you to death........lol

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    1. Dear Jo-Anne, you know I think that if the situation had been left up to me I would have ended up burning down the building! Peace.

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  19. She sounds so wonderful! No wonder you've remained such good friends for all those years.

    I absolutely love this line:
    "She’d unmuddled my muddle." So good. I think you've done that for me a time or two :)

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    1. Dear Elisa, Paullene is wonderful. She brings a joy to life and a sense of delight and discovery that has blessed mine. Peace.

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  20. Your transparency is so refreshing and beautiful, Dee. And you have excellent taste in friends! :-) Paullene did something more friends need to do, I think. She didn't give you platitudes of "it's going to be okay" without directly handing you a lifeline! She was there at the right time to assess your need and then help you reach for the help! What a wonderful friend, with some rare qualities. Debra (http://www.breathelighter.wordpress.com)

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    1. Dear Debra, yes, I see just what you mean. That is, Pauline came up with a tangible way to help me. I tell you, Debra, I was so muddled at the time that I truly didn't know how to get help. She made the rest of that year possible for me. Peace.

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