Been There; Done That

Only in the past few months have I begun to think of myself as old. I felt equal to life until the back operation in March. It derailed me. In an effort to get out of my self-absorption, I began to blog again back in April. Eager to find out what others were doing, I delighted in reading posts about walking and hiking, volunteering, gardening—all sorts of interesting activities.

As I read the postings, I found myself thinking “That would be a fun thing to do. Why am I not doing that?” I began to feel like a wimp. “Others do these things, why don’t I?” became almost a mantra for me.

Then an epiphany was given to me this past Friday evening.

While watching the Great British Baking Show with Matthew purring on my lap, I suddenly said, “We have such a good life.” Stroking his fur, I began to think of the days when I’d baked yeast bread and quick bread, cookies and scones all winter long.

That led to my thinking about my whole life and all I’ve gotten to do.

While in my thirties and early forties, I rode my bicycle in the countryside around Stillwater for ten miles a day before driving to work. After a bicycle accident landed me in the hospital for three days and in recuperation for ten weeks, I began to walk. During my late forties and my fifties and sixties, I walked three to four miles a day in the nearby 1849 cemetery—up and down its hills and in the shadow of its tall, overarching trees. So I have exercised.

Throughout my forties, fifties, and sixties, I taught reading to adults and helped prep them for the GED. For ten years during that time, I took an elderly, homebound woman out to eat three times a week. So I have volunteered.

I fought the weeds in both vegetable and perennial gardens from the time I was 37 to age 73, when I moved to Missouri and settled for a shrub garden. For thirty-six years, I delighted in watching nature share its vitality and beauty with me and the neighborhood. So I have gardened.

I could go on, but the epiphany is this: I’ve been fortunate. I’ve lived long enough to have done many things: gardening; walking and bicycling; baking and trying new recipes for twelve to sixteen guests who came bi-monthly for a sit-down dinner; crocheting, knitting, and macramé-ing; painting and potting; trying out Pilates, yoga, and Tai Chi Chih; camping for fifteen years in the North Woods and along Lake Superior in Minnesota; traveling; being a part of book clubs; protesting the Vietnam War and getting involved in animal rights; working as an election judge for ten years and knocking on doors for MoveOn.org for three years; teaching and writing. 

The list could go on, but you get my drift. When we are fortunate enough to live long lives—and I’m 81 now—we have a lot to show for them. Just because I can’t do what I used to do, I did do those things once. I am reminded of the words from a poem I memorized my senior year in high school. The last lines of “Ulysses” by Alfred Lord Tennyson are as follows:

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Peace.

Photo of Alfred Lord Tennyson from Wikipedia.

The "New" Normal

Hello All.

I missed posting the past two Sundays simply because of life happening. On May 28, my oldest niece took me to a Little League baseball game in which her grandson, Kayden, was playing. After two games she brought me home because my energy had gone kaput! This past Sunday (6/4), I enjoyed company from out of town. I hope to blog about that visit this coming Sunday. This mid-week posting is in three parts. Part I helps explain why the next two parts are important in my life right now.

Part I: Background:

Right now I’m dealing with the consequences of four ailments.

1.     Because glaucoma has severely affected my field of vision, I had to give up driving back in October, so mobility is somewhat difficult at times and asking for help in getting to doctor appointments and shopping is stressful because I have only five people to ask and many appointments. Moreover, I am finding three or four organizations from which I can get rides. All that is working out well.

2.     I live in an area known as “tornado alley” so the barometric pressure often changes, causing Meniere’s headaches, which are like migraines in intensity, without the light sensitivity. They come almost every day during this time of year, but I have a prescription that helps immensely with this.

3.     In 2011, I was diagnosed with a form of cutaneous T-cell lymphoma. At that time, I needed light treatments—3x a week for nine months. It is now active again, so I’m doing the treatments, which will keep the skin cancer in Stage 1. Mobility, however, is an issue as the clinic is in another area, nearly twenty miles away.

4.     I’m still recuperating from the back operation that has left me prone to feeling down in the dumps on overcast days. Fortunately, that six-month recuperation period will end in mid-September. I am getting better every day.

Part II: A “New” Normal:

Recently I watched a television ad for a cancer drug. It ended with the woman and her collie walking outside into a lovely day. The narrator says, “She welcomes her ‘new’ normal because a lot has changed, but a lot hasn’t.”

That advertisement captured my attention. For me, a lot has changed also—especially the not being able to drive—but I am so grateful that I can still read and write. Also my friends—near and far—and family give me great support.

Part III: Over What Hill?

Recently Arkansas Patti posted an eloquent review of a series of five novels by Effie Leland Wilder, who was 85 when the first one, “Out to Pasture,” was published. At that time, Wilder lived in the Presbyterian Home of Summerville, South Carolina.

I got Wilder’s second book—Over What Hill?—from the library and enjoyed it so much that I’ve purchased a volume containing her first three books. With her humorous stories, Wilder helped me realized that I’ve been concentrating on what’s wrong with my life, rather than being grateful for all that is good about it; I haven’t been grateful for the “new” normal.

I highly recommend Wilder’s books. As the flap of her third one says, “With grace and humor, Wilder gently pokes fun at growing older, all the while reflecting on the challenges and losses that seniors face, as well as the special wisdom that can be gained from aging.”

Peace.