Friday, May 31, 2013

Kindness from a College Friend


Today’s act-of-kindness story takes place in September 1954 when I began college at Mount Saint Scholastica in Atchison, Kansas. Just three months before, I’d graduated from St. Mary’s High School in Independence, Missouri, a small town with a population of about 30,000 at the time. St. Mary’s was also small. Its entire enrollment was only about 140 students, of which 30 or so of us were seniors.

My senior picture, sans eyeglasses. The photographer “prettied” me up!

         Mom drove me up to the Mount in early September where I encountered a freshman class of about 140 students—as many as the entire student body at St. Mary’s High School. Many of these young women had come from small towns as had I; but many others were from Chicago and eastern states like New Jersey and New York.
         It seemed to me then that I was a true hick among sophisticates. And so I became tongue tied. To make matters even worse, I’d lost a tooth filling on the trip up to the Mount. I was going to college on a scholarship and Mom didn’t have the money to give me to go to a dentist in Atchison so I had to find a way to keep the cavity secret.
         Every time I smiled at some one in the dorm or the halls of the administration building, I kept the right side of my mouth stiff so as to cover what seemed to me to be a gaping hole in my lower right-hand canine tooth.
         In my mind, I thought that everyone must see me as that strange, cavity-ridden, acne-faced kid from the town where President Truman lived. I was miserable and after two weeks of awkward smiling and talking, of hearing stories about plays on Broadway, and about air travel, I knew that I didn’t belong in college. I was just a country bumpkin.


Mount Saint Scholastica College Administration Building—1954

         One of the freshman—Marge Tansley from Chicago—befriended me during those two weeks. Somehow she found something to like in me despite the dark hole in my tooth. As Marge and I sat in the rec room on the first floor of the ad building, I dolefully confided my decision to quit college and return home. I moaned about my gaucheness, my ineptitude, my ignorance, my lack of social graces, and on and on and on.
         Marge took me in hand. Instead of calling me “Dolores,” the name by which I’d always been known, she welcomed me into the kingdom of nicknames. Surely that meant she liked me!
         “Dee,” Marge said, “you belong here just as much as any of us do. Give us a chance. We’re already friends. You’ll make lots more. Come on! Stay! Stop thinking of yourself all the time.”
         I protested. She insisted. I moaned some more. She shook me by the shoulders. I finally relented. “Okay. I’ll stay four more weeks. Just four.”
         She hugged me. And that, my friends, changed my life. I stayed at the Mount, made many friends among the student body, got an excellent education, became involved in student government, and on April 10, 1957, in my junior year, I realized that I wanted to enter the Mount convent after I graduated the next year.
         For me two roads diverged: stay or leave. I stayed and that “has made all the difference” as the poet Robert Frost would say.
         That difference came about because of Marge Tansley, who entered the convent after our freshmen college year. We met again at the sesquicentennial celebrate this past weekend. She is yet another blessing in my life. As are all of you. Peace.


Here I am as a freshman in St. Lucy’s dorm
 after Marge encouraged me to stop thinking of myself
 and to start concentrating on my classmates.

PS:  Tomorrow, I’ll post one more story about the kindness others have extended to me. But before I do that I’d like to explain what prompted these postings. They are part of the Wayman Publishing blog fest, which ends today—Friday, May 31.
            Wayman is offering ten e-books as free downloads to you. Other books are offered at a greatly reduced press. Both of Dulcy’s e-books—A Cat’s Life and A Cat’s Legacy—are available. The first for 99 cents and the second for free.
         Almost seventy other bloggers are participating in this celebration of random acts of kindness. If you’d like to read other stories of how we gently touch one another’s lives, please click here to find information on the other bloggers and their postings as well as the names of the ten free downloads.

38 comments:

  1. What a wonderful story, Dee! Marge was such a blessing, such an angel, in your life at a critical time. Thank goodness she convinced you to stay! Isn't it amazing how much another can make a difference, how little decisions can change a life?

    I've been working on a blog post about Frost's fork in the road and ordinary decisions that make a life-changing difference. But I like your story best because it shows what a positive impact one person can have on another!

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    1. Dear Kathy, if you'd like to use this posting in any way for your own blog post, please feel free to do so. It seems to that so many generous and kind and compassionate and caring people have had a "positive impact" on my life. So many blessings, pressed down and overflowing. Peace.

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  2. Dear Dee,

    Sometimes we just need some encouragement to move further on with our life. Self doubts are so defeating and just a whisper from a friend can spur us on.

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    1. Dear Arleen, yes, just a whisper. You do have a way with words! Peace.

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  3. A wonderful friend she was indeed! ...and, I'm sure you were a wonderful friend to her also! Love your stories...

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    1. Dear Turquoisemoon, I hope I was a "wonderful friend to her also." She was three years ahead of me in the convent so because of the rules about postulants speaking to scholastics, I seldom got to talk with her. Peace.

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  4. A wonderful story, well told. I feel like I was there in the room with the two of you as she convinced you to stay! And she is the reason we call you "Dee," it seems! :-)

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    1. Dear DJan, yes, Marge gave me my nickname, which everyone began to use right away and from then on I've been "Dee"--when I wasn't being Sister Innocence! Peace.

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  5. YOU are a blessing in my life--how I wish we could meet in person!!

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    1. Dear Fishducky, I believe that one of these days we will meet in person. I hope one day to take the Amtrak to California and visit with friends I have there--you being one of them! Peace.

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  6. Ah Dee I love this piece and I do have your books already.
    It is part of our lives to be helped along and to help others.
    Your friend helped you over a big hump of feeling accepted. And you
    took to the new college feeling more a part of it.
    And now you are a part of the blg community and I have you to share with.
    Thanks for the email and asking how I'm doing:))

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    1. Dear Heidrun, life has always seemed so mysterious to me. Roads diverge, people pass one another in the night, we meet and somehow our lives touch. The blogging world has introduced to so many wonderfully interesting and caring people--such as yourself. Peace.

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  7. College can be so scary in the beginning. It is usually our first time away from home and friends. My first night away, I cried and cried, I was so homesick and wanted to return too.

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    1. Dear Manzanita, yes, for me college was scary in the beginning. Like you, I was so homesick, especially for my mom who truly understood me and my ways. Peace.

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  8. Oh Dee. Your warmth, your kindess and your gratitude reach out to so many of us (I know I am far from alone in feeling it). No wonder that Marge urged you to stay. I am not surprised that you have become lifelong friends either. Yet another heart-warming post. Thank you.

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    1. Dear EC, I'm so pleased you enjoyed this story. Today I'm responding to all the comments on my last few postings. And tomorrow I hope to begin reading blogs again for two hours a day during the weekdays. I've so missed reading blogs like yours that take me out of my somewhat isolated world and uplift me. Your blog always warms my heart.

      The past week has been rainy here almost every day and when I wasn't down with a headache, I was resting from being so exhausted fighting the ache. But the coming back looks good and so I'll get to blog again. O joy in the morning! Peace.

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  9. Isn't that great how that one friend truly helped you to feel welcome... She is one special friend. Are you still on contact with her?

    Glad you stayed and did well in college.... Great post, Dee.
    Hugs,
    Betsy

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    1. Dear Betsy, yes, I'm still in contact with Marge. At the sesquicentennial I discovered that she lives fairly close. So we are going to get together for a meal at her house soon. Peace.

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  10. I am so limited in having to type this on my phone, but it is amazing how a single act can so stunningly change a person's life. I'm thankful she was there for you.

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    1. Dear Shelly, as you say, that "single act . . . stunningly" changed my life. I have o iota of an idea what would have happened to me if I hadn't attended the Mount college and then entered the convent. For sure, I would never have had a career as an editor and curriculum developer. All the friends I wouldn't have met. I am so grateful for the life I've had. Peace.

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  11. Dee, your story has cheered up my Saturday morning no end. Thanks.

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    1. Dear Annie, I'm so glad that this story "cheered" you! Thank for telling me that. Peace.

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  12. I like Marge--she's pretty great. And look at you, Dee--you're a knockout! Trey saw your senior picture and simply said, "WOW!"

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    1. Dear Elisa, Marge is "pretty great." I'm not a knockout. Never was. I had such a bad case of acne but the photograph "prettied me up" as I said. And now wrinkles line my face. But within me still, I think, is a youthful spirit of adventure. Peace.

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  13. It is not only lack of glasses or some prettying. Your eyes held an explicit challenge. I am also very sure that many of your actions had positive consequences. ~Mary

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    1. Dear Mary, I do hope that my actions has had positive consequences. I hope that I gently touched the lives of the children and young adults I taught and also the friends I've made.

      As to my eyes--I've always been a fairly determined person! Peace.

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  14. Oh, I love this post (but don't I always love your posts?). I'm so sad you couldn't see the dentist, and so grateful you stayed in college. Thank you, Marge. And Dee, you look beautiful in every single photo I've seen of you. I see a lovely face and eyes that shine with intelligence.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Dear Janie, after a few weeks, Mom saved enough money to send me so that I could see an Atchison dentist. Money was scarce in our home--as it was in so many homes. Dad spent a lot of money on drink but someone Mom always managed to put food on the table and to sew our clothes. I suspect that she had to give up something to come up with the money for my filling. She was, perhaps, the greatest blessing in my life. Peace.

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  15. What a wonderful friend indeed

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    1. Dear Pat, and when I saw her this past weekend, she was the same--always encouraging others and finding good in them. Peace.

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  16. Smart girl, that Marge!
    You look beautiful--in both pictures! :)

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    1. Dear Rita, I had a bad case of acne for many years, so now you know just how good a photographer can make a person look! Peace.

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  17. I wonder if she knows what a difference she made in your life. Both are lovely pictures but that second one shows such joy--and no cavity. I do love this series.

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    1. Dear Arkansas Patti, I told Marge this story when I saw her last weekend at the sesquicentennial celebration. She had no memory of it. She just strews kindness along the way of her life with no realization of how she's had such a positive effect on me and others.

      I'm glad you are liking this series. Peace.

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  18. This story just screams of the power of someone's friendship and encouragement, doesn't it? Without Marge reminding you that you belonged just as much as any of the others, and encouraging you to be yourself, you would have left feeling defeated. This is a wonderful story, Dee. And both photos are just wonderful. Your formal photo is beautiful, and the informal, just as beautiful for that wonderful smile! oxo Debra (breathe lighter)

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  19. Dear Debra, the wonder of my life is that I've never forgotten how to smile. I've always had a good sense of humor and that can truly get a person through a lot. And Marge recognized something in me--perhaps that sense of humor--that spoke to her and allowed her to speak what I needed to hear. She blessed my life. Peace.

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  20. College friends are the best, Dee. I acquired my nickname at college and was so encouraged by some of the people I met. A lovely story.

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    1. Dear Perpetua, getting that nickname made such a difference for m in college. And yes, like you I was encouraged again and again by people--students and professors--whom I met in college. We're lucky people, Perpetua. Peace.

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