Thursday, December 23, 2021

Gifts of In-Breaking: Part 3


  

In Part 2 of In-Breaking, I spoke of the “O” Antiphon “—O, Oriens” (the Morning Light from the East). The in-breaking of that light comes as gift to each of us in unexpected moments—leaves blazing autumn; smile dawning on a face awed by kindness; gnarled hands soothing a sobbing child. These can be moments of great enlightenment and wonder. They are always moments when, to paraphrase the English poet Wordsworth, our “heart leaps up.” 

 

As we move through the seasons of our life, the gift of light—insight—grace blesses us. Each moment of utter awareness becomes a treasured bead. From these beads, we make our life’s rosary of gratitude—gratefulness. The beads slip through the fingers of our mind whenever we need to recall the quiet, the peace, of blessedness.  

 

That startling moment of in-breaking for me last Tuesday brought questions . . . answers . . . and recall. 

 

In years past, I crocheted; worked jigsaw puzzles; walked four miles each day; macraméd; peddled a bike 10 miles before work; volunteered; protested; got out the vote with MoveOn.org; served as an election judge; painted watercolors; used a piano keyboard; practiced yoga; worked in my vegetable, perennial, and rock gardens; baked; tried countless new vegetarian recipes; threw dinner parties; studied classical Greek; memorized a stanza of a poem each day, . . .

 

When light broke in; I realized I’d left it all beyond. All the joy of it. The feeling of accomplishment. The delight. My life had narrowed to five items a day; I’d pinned my entire attention on writing a memoir.

 

That in-breaking also helped me realize why this had happened.

 

In October 2019, I published The Reluctant Spy, an historical novel. The novel reflected my own search for who Yeshua was and is, my struggle with a personal God, my dreams of Wholeness, and my dawning belief in Oneness. 

 

The Reluctant Spy represented 20 years of living, reflecting, researching, and writing. And . . . it was . . . it is . . . a dismal flop. Only a few—maybe 15—copies have sold. 

 

Six weeks after its publication, I had my second knee replacement. The recuperation from that, unlike the first replacement, was long. Difficult. Problematic.

 

Possibly because of the stress from those two incidents or from the changes wrought by climate change or because I’ve been diagnosed with Meniere’s that is “progressive and intractable,” the disease kicked in and for the past two years has been—it sometimes seems to me—ever present. 

 

What now? What after the gift of grace? 

 

First, gratitude abounds. Second, I’m taking baby-steps to redefine my life and put back into it those activities and thoughts that bless me: Puzzle pieces litter the dining-room table; the keyboard on the card-table beckons my fingers; yarn lies ready to be crocheted into an afghan. The yoga DVD is in the player. Two textbooks—one Greek, one Latin—await my inquiring mind. All invite me to create a new life as I move toward the Beyond.

 

Then, wonder of wonders, that in-breaking brought to me the first paragraphs of the memoir with which I’ve struggled for two years. It is, I believe, the perfect entryway to the telling of my life.

 

This sudden and welcomed in-breaking then is the gift of Advent and Christmas. Life truly is good.

 

Peace.

 

NOTE: The writings of Richard Rohr, whom I mentioned yesterday, explore a theology I no longer embrace. But often, his daily meditation provides food for thought about Oneness. 

 

I also read Cameron Trimble who writes for “Convergence.” His down-to-earth stories always bring new spiritual realizations to me. 

 

Photo from Wikipedia.

20 comments:

  1. The first paragraphs wrote themselves. Now you can do the rest, dearest Dee.

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    1. Dear Joanne, thank you. I'm using the talk-to-text now. I talk one day for maybe an hour and then for the next few days--mostly for short periods during those days--I edit because I do not enunciate well enough for the words I say to produce a clear text. Also, this finding of typos leads to an initial editing. We'll see in a few months if I have something! Peace.

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  2. I am so very pleased (and grateful) to read this post dear friend.

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    1. Dear Sue, slowly, using "talk-to-text," I'm moving back and forth between the years from 1936 to 1977, trying to interweave them; trying to show how the childhood years affected the convent and the 10 years after leaving when the hallucinations kept happening. I'm learning so much. Peace.

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  3. You are going forward. Let the momentum pull you along with ease. That "life is truly good" is a marvelous blessing.

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    1. Dear Patti, thank you. There is a momentum and I'm trying to "go with the flow!" Peace.

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  4. Merry Christmas, Dee. May the new year bring you closer to your life goals.

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    1. Dear Jean, as the days have past since last I posted, I've become aware that I need to truly consider what my goals are as I move closer to Beyond. Do I really need to write this memoir? Or is there a first draft for a cat book or a novel on which I'd prefer to work? Or perhaps the question may be, do I want to write at all or do I simply want to explore other avenues of contentment and creativity? Peace.

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  5. Hope this Christmas Day has been special for you as move toward fulfilling your life.

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    1. Dear Joared, I've been exploring for several weeks--since last I posted--on what would/will fulfill my life. On, perhaps, simply letting go, and as a dear friend says, "going with the flow." We'll see. Peace.

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  6. I too am glad to hear you are continuing to grow, to seek and receive blessings from the Universe. Wishing our journey to be a good and fruitful one, dear Dee.

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    1. Dear DJan, yes, I, too, wish that our journey through this life be a good and fruitful one. And now I'm exploring what exactly those two words mean in the context of the longings within myself. Peace.

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  7. I love how you continue to search and grow. I did this so much in my younger life, now that I have the peace I so much wanted, the countryside, the beautiful mountains, my sweet dog, maybe I got lazy. You are inspiring me, Dee, and for that I am grateful. Wishing you a Happy New Year and sending love to you and the kitties.

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    1. Dear Inger, years ago, when I was a senior in high school, our English class--taught by Sister Mary Rosaria--studied English literature from "Beowulf" to about 1930. (This was 1953.) I memorized many poems that year and one was by Alfred Lord Tennyson. In the 19th century he wrote a poem called "Ulysses" after the famous Greek hero of the Trojan War. The last five or six lines remain embedded in my mind and heart and so are, perhaps, one of the reasons I continue to search and, hopefully, to grow. Peace.

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  8. I’m happy and excited to hear that you are are excited about your life again! I think as we get older and things get harder to do, we accept reasons not to do them. Or we fall into patterns and habits, and thoughts even, where it is just easier to stay. You have made a big effort to return to growing and learning. What a good example you are for the rest of us! Here’s to 2022! Happy New Year!

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    1. Dear Cynthia, hope the beginnings of this year--2022--are being surprisingly wonderful for you. This past week I read your latest posting about the weather and so loved the idea of the ice cathedral made by the tree tops. Your wanderings with your husband and your love of history and your curiosity about time and place and inhabitants always brings me such pleasure to read. Peace.

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  9. i am stunned with your striking honesty and shining dignity dear Dee ,from the bottom of my soul i say "you are truly an inspiration my amazing friend !

    you did lot to live life to it's fullest and i really admire this .

    i think i can understand you temporary despair as your book was written by blood of your thoughts that were rooted in your soul deeply which created great enthusiasm within you when it came to convey it to others .
    i bet that whoever have read your book have inspired in many ways because as far i know you your words captivate reader with their astonishing power and beauty !

    i am really happy that the "phase " you experienced after it is over now my beautiful friend and you are joining yourself with same excitement and faith :)
    in this insightful journey i am with you always as fan and learner !
    hugs and best wishes with countless prays for you!

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    1. Dear Baili, thank you for your warm and enthusiastic support of what I write and who I am. You truly are a light in the midst of darkness. Peace.

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  10. I like how you are moving and adapting to constraints, and now are writing a memoir. I co-authored two books, it was a lovely experience working with Christian co-authors, two in Ohio, two in Texas and me in California. Be well my friend and enjoy your day.

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    1. Dear Terra, thank you. I need to look for your books. Please let me know the titles.

      Also, the memoir is going forward with much stumbling and musing and pulling of hair (and my hair has thinned so that pulling makes one aware of my scalp!). Finding the thread to weave the childhood story together with the ten years after the convent is challenging. Peace.

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