Last night, I turned off the
bedside lamp at 11:00 PM and immediately fell into a deep sleep. Then, at 4:30
AM, I woke and tossed and turned for about fifteen minutes. Finally, I rose, made
myself a cup of herbal tea that might help me get back to sleep, and began
reading, hoping my eyes would grow heavy again. The e-book that so engrosses me
right now is the latest by Peter Robinson. It’s “Sleeping in the Ground,” an
Inspector Banks mystery.
I was near its ending last
night when I began to nod off. So this morning, I wanted to finish it. Normally
I get up late—8:30, 9:00, 9:30—and sometimes as late as 10 AM. That’s because
my body craves nine hours of sleep a night, and normally I don’t turn off the
light until 1 or 1:30 AM. However, I’m trying to get onto a new cycle: go to
bed early, rise early.
That’s become important as I’m
feeling more and more the urge to begin writing again. The convent memoir
manuscript is complete and an artist friend is designing the cover. My hope is
that I can self-publish it in the next six months. Moreover, I have another cat
book—a tongue-in-cheek fantasy accompanied by delightful art—that I hope to
self-publish during that same time. This might seem that I’ve been writing, but
actually I’ve done nothing this year. I’ve listened to my body and its need for
rest. I’ve done what my good friend Judy has always advised: “Go with the flow,
Dee.” And so I do; and so I’ve done.
This morning, as I began once
again to read Robinson’s latest mystery, I felt myself drawn inward to that
still place where Oneness dwells. Words came to me then: “And all shall be
well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be exceeding well.”
These words got me through the
eighteen terrifying months of Meniere’s back in 2006-2007. They are the words
of Julian of Norwich, an English anchorite and mystic of the late 14th
and early 15th century. As Wikipedia informs us, “Her Revelations of Divine
Love, written around 1395, is the first book in the English language known
to have been written by a woman.”
I’ve said her
words in the midst of acute rotational vertigo episodes with Meniere’s, said
them as I’ve felt the pain of four bulging lumbar discs resting on sciatic
nerves, as I’ve struggled to feel at home in Missouri, as I’ve worried about
our latest presidential election, as I’ve lived through the death of seven close friends in the past three years, as I’ve given up driving because of my
compromised vision.
In other
words, Julian’s wisdom comes to me in times of stress when I’m not sure where
to turn for comfort and peace. They also come to me when I worry about those I
love who are facing life’s vicissitudes—like Hurricane Harvey. And yes, they
come to me when I feel the joy of being loved.
The truth is
that those words—which came so spontaneously to my lips one afternoon in
September 2006 when a Meniere’s episode thrust me to the floor and I banged my
head against the dining-room hutch—have been pure gift from the past. I do not remember when
I first met or memorized them, but they remain one of the purest gifts I've
ever received. They have seen me through the valleys of the past ten years and
been with me when I’ve ascended to the mountain tops. The truth of
them enlightens my life and keeps me positive about all that is and all that
will be in the span of my years.
“All shall be
well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be exceedingly
well.”
Yes, all has worked out to good within my life. I trust it will continue to do so. It is with great gratitude and love that I tell you I’ve lived long years and the gift of that longevity is the knowledge that all works out to good. Peace.
Wikipedia photograph of statue of Julian at the Norwich
Cathedral.
These are definitely comforting words. I'm glad we have such gifts from the past. :-)
ReplyDeleteDear DJan, I didn't think of the word "comforting," but that's exactly what those words are for me in times of trouble and sorrow . . . and enlightenment. Thanks for putting your finger on the right word. Peace.
DeleteThank you Dee for reminding us all works out for good. But we must work for it, too.
ReplyDeleteDear Joanne, yes, it's true that we must do our part. For me, much of that is being open--even during the hardest of times--to new options and possibilities. It's embracing change and trusting it. Peace.
DeleteDee, your post today reminds me of that prayer, "May the light of God surround me, may the love of God enfold me, may the power of God protect me, and may the presence of God watch over me. Wherever I am, God is... and all is well."
ReplyDeleteDear Rian, is this the Celtic Prayer of Protection? It's import is truly like the Julian mantra that has been so helpful to me. Thank you for sharing it. Peace.
DeleteI do love this post. And the wisdom of your commentators. DJan and Joanne have summed it up for me. I love the comfort of these words, and acknowledge that we all have a part to play in it.
ReplyDeleteDear EC, you're right, those first two commentators--DJan and Joanne--do sum up the entire posting. And I think that Rian's additional prayer gives the entire flavor of living in the present moment--which Julian did. Peace.
DeleteHaving those words to get you safely through tough times is a blessing. That you are convinced they will is even better. There in lies the strength.
ReplyDeleteDear Patti, you gave me a new perspective on my saying this mantra. Thank you. Peace.
DeleteFirst 4.30am is the time I generally get up, just saying
ReplyDeleteNext thank you for reminding us that there is good around us if we just allow ourselves to see it
Dear Jo-Anne, wow 4:30 every day. I've never risen at that time on a regular basis. About the earliest I've gotten up is at 5:30 in the convent for 9 years. Since then my getting-up-time ranged from 7 when I worked to 10 now that I'm retired. I think I've been fortunate. Peace.
DeleteFunny lately I have allowed myself the late sleep in too. Yet Ellie my cat wants me up at seven and will meow until I get up to feed her. I slip back into ned though as all arevstill,asleep. I have comforting melodies that I use to get through tough stuff. I prefer not tomrecall some of my hard times now. The stress seems to get rekindled.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your work publishing.
Dear Heidrun, I understand about rekindled stress. Living in the present is so much better than recalling the past stress. I'm glad you are getting plenty of sleep. It feels so good! Peace.
DeleteFor the past several months (long before our family tragedy)--I have had trouble sleeping (first time in my life)... I found a natural sleep aid (after trying many) called SleepGreat with Valerian in it --which is helping quite a bit... I still wake up really early no matter when I go to bed --and never get more than 6-7 hours per night... Being so tired during the daytime is my biggest problem --and I refuse to take a daytime nap thinking that I can't sleep at night. We are regular when it comes to going to bed: 10:00 p.m. (used to be a night-owl, but no longer) and getting up about 6 a.m. But--it's definitely a problem I've never dealt with before. So be it....
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are turning some corners..... I hope you will be able to write again sometime....
Praying for the flooding in Texas and at my son's home now... He's already gone through way too much this month... Prayers for Mark.
Hugs,
Betsy
Dear Betsy, having read your recent blog posting I know that your son just lost his wife--and you, your daughter-in-law. I'm so sorry to learn that the flooding is affecting him also. I trust that all the prayers being sent his way will help. Peace.
DeleteMay all CONTINUE to be well for you!!
ReplyDeleteDear Fishducky, thank you and may all continue to be well for you also! You know, we're in this together! Peace.
DeleteDee, Your words, or I guess they come from Julian of Norwich, really encourage me at this time. On a more personal level I really am doing well, but I've been absorbed in struggle with the course of our current presidential administration and I've been angry and disturbed. I need to remember that "all shall be well," and to claim the peace that comes with that belief You continue to be such a guide, my friend. I'm so pleased to hear about your publishing plans! Very exciting!
ReplyDeleteDear Debra, like you, I often find myself not only disturbed but frightened by what is going on with this administration and with the lack of reprimand from Congress. I wonder where about the moral compass of so many of those who are in Washington. Julian's words help me then. But I do wonder if we are going into a dark time--being buried in the ground--that will be a prelude, I trust, to light. To a new life. Peace.
ReplyDeleteGood morning, Dee. I thought I had replied to this and must not have hit "publish" before I added Jullian's quote to my Commonplace Book. I have uttered all will we be well several times this week, along with my own short mantra of be still/still my heart; for Texas, for our country, for the wider world and personally as well. Peace to you, Dee, and thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteDear Penny, I'm so pleased that you've been saying Julian's mantra. It's helped me greatly in the last few years.
ReplyDeleteI saw Dr. Ann (Glaucoma specialist) today about the Glaucoma pressure. I now have another surgery scheduled for November 2. She'll put in a "shunt" or "stent" (I'm not sure of the right word) in my right eye. She'll leave in the old one that is somewhat covered by scar tissue--and so hasn't been draining the fluid-- and put this new one a little below it. She's such a fine doctor. I'm so fortunate to have her helping me keep my eyesight. I hope your husband's eyesight is staying steady. Peace.