Monday, June 14, 2021

The Crocodiles Will Arrive Later

 

Today the mind is taking a wee rest and can't recall when I begin to read Kathy McCoy's blog: sometime in 2011 or 12 or maybe even 2013. She had probably left an intriguing comment on someone else’s blog. Perhaps that comment led me to her blog: Dr. Kathy McCoy: Living Fully in Midlife and Beyond. 

 

I was on the far side of “midlife” and into “beyond,” so the title intrigued me. Her postings did that also. Each was filled with workable suggestions for how to handle tricky situations. She seasoned these suggestions with a gentle humor and an understanding of the human condition. It was clear that she had extensive experience in counseling and knew whereof she spoke! 

 

I quickly felt a rapport with Kathy. The blurb about her on Amazon noted that she was a psychotherapist who’d won awards for more than one of the many books she’d written. She’d also been published in Family Circle, Mademoiselle, The Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, and several other leading magazines. 

 

Moreover—and those of you who know me will appreciate this—she and her  husband live in Arizona with four cats: Gus, Maggie, SweetPea and Hamish. Ah, my kind of gal!


When her book Purr Therapy: What Timmy & Marina Taught Me About Life, Love and Loss was published, I immediately read it and left a review on Amazon. In it, I said that while the cats with whom I’d lived had often purred me into a welcomed perspective, none of them had ever done what Timmy & Marina—Kathy’s two therapy cats—had done for her patients. They were truly amazing. 

After reading that book, I so hoped she’d write a memoir.

 

And she has: The Crocodiles Will Arrive Later.


 

Reading this memoir could have depressed me for the “crocodiles” of the title are the violent mood swings her father experienced as had his mother before him. The crocodiles devoured his treasure trove of good will, intellect, and humor. His three children quaked in terror, fearful that he might kill them, as he threatened to do almost daily.  

 

Given that title and its implications, you can see why the book could depress. And yet. (It’s these “and yets” in our life stories that so fascinate and captivate me.) And yet. And yet, Kathy grew up to be a woman of great good sense—a sense of the deep-down desire we all have for wholeness.

 

She fashioned a career, married, made friends. Laughed. Fell and got back up again. Mourned and embraced the next day with renewed expectation. Importantly, as the memoir recounts so vividly and tenderly, she came as an adult to the gift of realization.

 

What was that realization? 

 

That beyond the mood swings, the threats, the slow disintegration of her father’s personality she daily witnessed as a child, teenager, and young adult, there was love. A love threaded with her father’s fear that she, too, would know crocodiles. A love that tried to find ways to protect her.

 

Kathy’s memoir is filled with light, love, and laughter. As the songwriter Leonard Cohen sang, “There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.” Because of her great honesty, the cracks—the crocodiles—in Kathy McCoy’s life reward the reader with the realization that out of painful experiences can come an understanding that leads to forgiveness. Her father’s crocodiles ultimately gave Kathy the tools she needed to not only survive, but to thrive.

 

Peace. 

Postscript: I've previewed this several times and keep having problems with white lines. Not sure why and can't fix it. So please ignore all formatting problems! Thanks. Peace. 

32 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for your kind words, Dee! I'm so glad that you saw the love and humor in between the pain. Learning to laugh between one's pain is sustaining -- and it's something we all did a lot of when I was growing up and later, too! I so appreciate your lovely review!

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    1. Dear Kathy, I was happy to review your book because it's so well written and I believe it can help many of us. Peace.

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  2. Thank you for introducing me to Dr Kathy McCoy and her books Dee. Thank you both very much indeed.

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  3. tank you so much for sharing about this beautiful personality dear Dee !

    i think you have light within that attracts other lights ,i truly believe that no great man on earth has grown out of thorn jungle where he struggled to survive ,to find way out and to move further ,such people fascinate me since i was little girl and until now ,i feel peace to see that i could meet to those directly or indirectly who have won the battle and became extraordinary ,this is how diamond is created isn't it :)
    i love you so much for the love you have for love and people and for oneness!
    i am so happy i could know you my lovely sweet friend!
    hugs and blessings!

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    1. Dear Baili, thank you for your kind words. Let us be light to one another. Peace.

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  4. Those are some books I have to read! Thank you once again for introducing me to Kathy's new memoir. I'll definitely find it and read it. :-)

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    1. Dear DJan, the way she introduces her parents' parents to the reader is masterful. I was just amazed in reading the first few pages and found myself wishing I could be so succinct! Peace.

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  5. I too have been reading her blog though she hadn't posted in a while. The book would account for not having time to blog. Thank you for the intriguing review, I will check it out.

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    1. Dear Patti, yes, I think she's been busy with the publishing house. Peace.

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  6. I’ve been a reader of her blog for many years and didn’t realize she had written a memoir. I’m off to find a copy as I need something new to read. Thanks for the recommendation.

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    1. Dear Cynthia, I hope you do find a copy! Peace.

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  7. We never know what trauma others survived during their lives and to come out the other side like Kathy did is worth celebrating in a memoir. Great book review, Dee.

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    1. Dear Jean, I agree with you about not knowing the sorrow or tragedy that others carry within them. When I'm out and about, which isn't often, I see people going about the business of living and wonder what scars their minds and hearts and spirits. I know my scars and my story. But not theirs. That's why, truly, I need to look at others as the burning bush of Scripture. But, I have to admit, I forget that when someone starts praising some of our political leaders! Peace.

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    1. Dear Rajani, thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment. I'll stop by your blog as soon as I can. Peace.

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  9. These books sound interesting and something I would like

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    1. Dear Jo-Anne, both are interesting. The cat one just tickled my fancy and the memoir made me think about my own parents. Peace.

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  10. I must read this book. It sounds like the manic/depressive disorder that took my grandfather's life, and my brother's, and his daughter suffers from. Thank you for the review.
    Have not broken 1,000. Came close.

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    1. Dear Joanne, I don't think Kathy ever says what caused her father's "crocodiles." If she did, I forgot it. It took me a while to read the book because I was having Meniere's days and could only listen to books and I didn't have the audio. Coming close to 1,000 for me would be like winning the lottery--the odds are against it!!! And yet there you are...almost at the filling station cash register to have your card double-checked! Peace.

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  11. If you are in need of an adorable kitten , my grand daughter has a litter of 6, here in Blue Springs, that will be available in 6 weeks or so. Some pictures on my blog ... http://glassdragonbears.blogspot.com/

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    1. Dear Bettina, I'm not in need right now of a kitten. The three elderly cats with whom I live would truly, I think, be affronted if I brought one into the house! Hope you find good homes for them. Peace.

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  12. My dad was not a crocodile, but he had control issues. It was only after I was able (via therapy) to forgive him, that I was able to live and love fully. Thanks for this post, Dee.

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    1. Dear Inger, I, too, struggled with my feelings toward my father who was, I believe, an alcoholic. After Mom died in 1968, he and I worked out a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding. That was a great gift. Peace.

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  13. Thanks for alerting me to a remarkable memoir by a remarkable woman who survived and thrived.

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    1. Dear LC, the memoir is remarkable for a number of reasons. Not only Kathy's honesty but her writing ability. She is amazing. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I'll visit your blog as soon as I can. Peace.

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  14. Laughter is the best medicine. Ray

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    1. Dear Ray, I so agree and I think Kathy--who lived and wrote the memoir--would agree too. Peace.

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  15. The white background occurs when something is cut and pasted into a non-white background, such as on your blog. It can be fixed by using the HTML editor for the post, scrolling down and removing the background color command that is overriding the usual background color called for. But it is also useful to leave it, sometimes, to bring attention to the copied words! I will have to read that memoir, since it is not depressing and has lots to offer!

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  16. Dear Holly, thank you for the explanation of the white background. I think you're right about it being good sometimes--now that I've read the words that got highlighted!

    Hope you do get a chance to read the memoir. All of us have the downs of life at times. McCoy helps us look for the ups that sometimes are the result of the downs! Take care and thank you for dropping by. Peace.

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  17. Hey! What a lovely review! I also have gotten those white highlights on my post. I just leave them. I can always make something worse. Peace!

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    1. Dear Kay, yes, Recently, I was trying to correct one mistake when I inadvertently deleted all the emails I’d been keeping for personal reasons for several years. All! So I’m learning to leave well enough alone! Peace.

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