Thursday, October 17, 2013

A Final Visit


(Continued from last Wednesday, October 16 . . .)
On this gloriously cool day, I’m inviting you into that 1960, seventh-grade, Omaha classroom one last time. There I established a regime of strict discipline, onerous both for the students and for me. Most of those seventh graders wanted to learn, but surely not in such a tense atmosphere.
         The situation was precarious. If the students acted as if they liked to learn, the ruling gang members might await them after school and batter them into submission. If they played along with the gang I might put indiscriminate checkmarks on the board and they’d have to stay after school and answer to their parents.


Richard Westall’s Sword of Damocles

         Yet despite the pervading fear, most students took part in discussions, followed directions, and responded well to the varied techniques I used for teaching.
         A coterie of them, however, remained adamant. No one was going to steal their power of intimidation. In every way possible, they undermined my attempts to make learning pleasurable. An undercurrent of retaliation lurked behind the menacing glares these students cast on their classmates. The image that came to mind was of a submarine ready to torpedo those students who were brazen enough to enjoy learning.


         One of those students was Maureen. One day—a day when no one got three checkmarks on the chalkboard—she stayed after school to ask me about college. She was bright and wanted to learn—purely for the sake of learning. From my first day in that classroom, she’d paid attention and responded to questions and prompts.
         The next day, I noticed that Maureen had a pained look on her face throughout our lessons. I discovered why only when the students filed out of the room at the end of the day. As Maureen passed me, I noticed that the back of her white blouse was marred with countless dark dots. I asked her to step out of the line. The other students left the building while I spoke with Maureen, who began to cry.
         This is what she’d endured that day: The girl behind her in the third row from the windows had spent the day leaning forward over her desk so that her face was close to Maureen’s right ear. 
Throughout that long school day, Jenny jabbed Maureen’s back repeatedly with a hat pin. The dark dots were the blood that welled up beneath the blouse. With each stab of the pin, Jenny muttered in Maureen’s ear, “This is what happens to snitches.”
         Countless bloody specks stained the back of Maureen’s blouse. She never again wore it to class. Nor did she ever again stay after school to ask my advice about her future education.
         Jenny did stay after school the next day and worked the math problem, cursing Maureen and me beneath her breath the entire time. I’d spoken with Sister Brendan about the incident, so I could say to Jenny, with certainty, that if she ever tortured anyone else in our class, she’d be expelled.  
         One more bonfire doused. One more casualty of the civil war that raged in that classroom. One more student filled with hatred.


         I’ve never forgotten those two young girls. Where are they now? Who are they? And what about all the rest of those students who, in their recalcitrance and fear and longing, brought from me the creativity I never knew I had? Where and who are they? I wish I knew.
         I would never want to relive those days, and yet I am grateful for what I learned from those seventh graders—all of them. The lessons they taught me served me well throughout all my teaching and my developing of curriculum for several Catholic publishers.
         As I’ve aged, I’ve come to realize that for myself all has worked out to good. Hallelujah.
        
Note: I’m trying to establish a writing and blogging schedule that works for me. So after a year or more of posting on Wednesday, I’ve decided to do my weekly posting on this on-line memoir on Thursday. I hope to see you here next Thursday to share with you what happened when I returned to Mount Saint Scholastica Convent in late May 1960. Peace.
                                       ( . . . continued next Thursday, October 24.)

Photographs from Wikipedia.


58 comments:

  1. You fulfilled your obligation. Yes, I bet you do wonder what became of all of those students. I wonder if any of them would surprise you and become a useful citizen?

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    1. Dear Manzanita, I know that at least one student did. He had a learning disability and I was aware of that and kept the other students from laughing at his efforts to read. I recently spoke with his sister and she told me how well he has done in his life and his work. I'm so proud of him. Peace.

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  2. I still am having a hard time realizing that this behavior happened in the '60's.... I never ever felt it growing up --nor did I notice it when I taught school between 1965-71... Yes --I did have a few students who misbehaved --but nothing like the kids in your school back then.

    Do you think that back then, some of the kids who went to private schools were the ones who couldn't make it (behavior-wise) in the public school system???? I taught in the public schools --and we just didn't have 'those' kinds of problems (or at least, I don't ever remember it). It's a puzzlement to me.

    These days, this bullying happens all of the time ... I constantly read about it. VERY sad.....But--I just don't remember it back in the '60's..... Maybe I'm totally wrong --but it certainly confused me.... Would love to hear your thoughts sometime.

    Hugs,
    Betsy

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    1. i grew up in the 60's and there was some nasty stuff going on. And I grew up in NJ nowhere near Dee

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    2. Dear Betsy and Mimi, none of this happening in my classrooms during the '40s and early '50s, but it was in the mid-1950s that the movie "Blackboard Jungle" was released and it reflected a classroom like mine--only much worse. So, this was going on in the '50s.

      As to private versus public, the truth is that private schools can refuse to take students who cause problems. Peace.

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  3. That classroom was brutal, hopefully Maureen is off somewhere rich living good and the torturer is sitting in a cell

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    1. Dear Pat, I don't know that I want Jenny to be sitting in a cell. What I'm hoping is that at some point she began to be able to walk in the shoes of others and developed some empathy. But I'll never know. Peace.

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  4. All that came to mind was "This, too, shall pass"!!

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    1. Dear Fishducky, and it did pass as I'll show in the next two October postings! Peace.

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  5. Maureen was tougher than me. I would have yelled OW! at some point!!

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    1. Dear Mimi, I didn't understand that afternoon why she hadn't cried out but she explained that if she got anyone any trouble things would even be worse. Peace.

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  6. I was in junior high and high school mostly in the fifties; I graduated in 1961. We came from lower and rising middle class neighborhoods, some racially mixed. Junior high was not memorable, but troubles were forming over "turf" when I was in high school. The word would be whispered what streets to avoid after school because the micks would be confronting the dagoes. Those of us who avoided the troublesome neighborhoods had names for the bad kids. We called them rackies and DA's. Not a clue. Many, many of them were swept into the army and went to Vietnam.

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    1. Dear Joanne, so many young men went into the Vietnam jungles and emerged either in body bags or as wounded individuals. Wounded physically or emotionally. Scarred for life. And so many of those soldiers were from the lower classes. Many were African Americans who saw the war as a way to get away from the inner city. A tragedy. Peace.

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  7. People act as if bullying and violence is brand new.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Dear Janie, as Rap Brown said in the 1960s, "Violence is as American as cherry pie." Amen. Peace.

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  8. Sadly, bullies continue to thrive. I hope that karma finds its way to them - and that they develop some understanding about what they have done. Always the optimist.

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    1. Dear EC, that's what I hope, that they somehow come to a point where for necessity's sake they walk in someone else's shoes and become empathic. Peace.

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  9. There were some bullies when I was in 7th grade, but nothing like what you described in your classroom. I am glad that you did not have to teach there too long, Dee.

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    1. Dear Arleen, I was happy when the last day of school ended and the other nuns and I boarded the train in Omaha to return to Atchison. I'll post about that next Thursday. Peace.

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  10. I never saw bullying when I was in school. I actually married an admitted bully. He didn't get much better as an adult so it is unlikely the bullies in your class did either. Hopefully Maureen found an easier life. Reading that dreadful event she went through, plus hearing daily in the news of cyber bulling that sometimes ends in suicide, boggles my mind. I will never understand.

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    1. Dear Arkansas Patti, what happened in Florida this past month with the 12-year-old girl jumping off into her death because of cyber bullying is so tragic. I'm glad that Florida law enforcement is pursuing a case against the two young girls who did the bullying. Peace.

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  11. I really admire that you are able to see that the time you spent with your recalcitrant students was a benefit to the things you, too, needed to learn. That's a really amazing perspective. I think knowing that and really seeing how you've developed through the years by means of so many really difficult challenges is why you have such a peace about you, Dee. So many people stay completely connected to the hurts and disappointments in life and never let themselves feel joy. I hope Maureen was able to go on with her education. I hope she has had a happy life. One thing I feel quite confident about is that she would recall your kindness. We never know when those subtle reassurances will come back to assist someone else at a time when they need to recall them. I hope you're feeling well today. And I'll look forward to next Thursday! ox (Debra --breathe lighter)

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    1. Dear Debra, the headache started again today--Friday--but at its first sign, before it could take hold, I took medication and so I'm "fine and dandy, like sugar candy."

      As to the random acts of kindness that are gifts to us from others, I've always been grateful when one of my friends has been helped by someone else at a time when I couldn't be present for her or him. For me, that's all part of the Oneness we share. It's the "pass it forward" mentality that makes gratitude an ongoing gift to be cherished. Peace.

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  12. As a child, I shrank from the attitude of the "mob" that seemed to shout to me at school, saying that to enjoy learning was to be uncool. Wherever it came from, it plagued me, and yet I am grateful, also, for the lessons I gained during the times I dared to be uncool. Sometimes they were painful (though no blood was spilled, thankfully!). Your adult view of this kind of thing makes for a healthy entry out here in cyberland. Thanks again.

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    1. Dear Deanna, Maureen certainly did bear the brunt of being a true student and as I wrote this posting I sent my thoughts her way in the hope that her life has given her great joy. Peace.

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  13. Poor girl!! I also wonder how she is. Jenny? A bully has developed bad habits, and it is doubtful that she changed.

    What a rough year.

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    1. Dear Susan, I do so hope that Jenny changed. I wonder if at sometime she experienced bullying after this all happened and became aware. If we are to believe what's coming out of Florida with the recent death there of a 12-year-old who was bullied, then often the "bully-er" takes pride in what she/he wrought. Tragic. Peace.

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  14. I feel so badly for Maureen. I wonder what ever became of the young people you taught. Sadly, bullies don't always grow up to secure and kind people. I know, I worked with some of them.

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    1. Dear Carol, like you, I felt so angry about what was done to Maureen. And I was so pleased that Jenny had to attend school the rest of that year under the threat of expulsion. I do hope, however, that she did grow into a secure and kind person. At her best she had a vivacious about her that, if harnessed for good, could help many people. Peace.

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  15. Hopefully Maureen learned how to deal with bad actors.

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    1. Dear Lorna, yes, let us hope that. I bet that in all the years since she's been able to take what she learned from that experience and help others. That was the kind of person she was. Peace.

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  16. Gosh, Dee, as I read this a chill went up my spine, realizing you were writing this as you were reading "Code Name Verity" where such torture of needles was used on POW's. That poor girl, to endure the needle pricks all day. I served on a board of education for 11 years. These days, at least in the public schools, Jenny would be expelled from school. I hope that Maureen was able to go on to college (and, I secretly hope she became a writer and got her revenge in a novel - not a mature idea on my part, I know).

    You learned and grew from these experiences. I'm glad for that - and that we have you now, writing these gripping memoirs.

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    1. Dear Penny, as I read "Code Name Verity" I did think of Maureen. It was amazing to me how Elizabeth Wein wove that story so that I'd be reading and "Queenie" would so nonchanlantly reveal the torture under which she was writing.

      The monseigneur in the parish said, "Boys will be boys" when I tried to talk with him about the classroom. And I suppose that applied to girls also. I'm not sure that Sister Brendan could have expelled anyone without his permission.

      Wouldn't it be wonderful if Maureen did become a writer!!!!!! Oh, I love that thought. Peace.

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  17. Oh, my goodness- what you and the cadre of engaged students had to endure. I really do wish there was a way for you to be able to follow up with those students, just to see if their harvest in life matched up to what they planted. You are brave, I applaud you for not only sticking it out, but for establishing order and meaningful learning.

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    1. Dear Shelly, I was never proud of anything I did during that second semester for those seventh graders. Now I can realize that the projects I came up with were good, but at the time I felt like such a horrible teacher. I was sure that none of the other nuns had had to resort to such rigid methods in the classroom. And I was ashamed that I was hurting those students just so I could survive. Peace.

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    2. Dear Shelly, by the way, I got the Disney postcard the other day. The front of it made me smile and I bet the postal carrier smiled when he put it in my mailbox. Thanks so much. Peace.

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  18. I can't imagine teaching that lot! It seems so stressful and yet you look back with fondness. You are a brave soul Dee Ready! A teacher to the core.

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    1. Dear Michelle, I'm not sure about being a brave soul. I think I was paddling as fast as I could to keep from drowning! Peace.

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  19. Oh poor Maureen to be treated in such a way but I am sorry to say I am not surprise, things like this has always happened all over the world.

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    1. Dear Jo-Anne, yes, all over the world we have bullies. Some lead countries and some gangs. And we meet some on the street corners of every hamlet, village, town, city, and metropolis. Such is history. Peace.

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  20. So sad that a girl who wanted to learn was branded a snitch. A good advert for home education.

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    1. Dear Annie, there are, I think, many fine things about home education, but I also think that being in a group with others helps a person learn to socialize and to understand differences. Peace.

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  21. Hi Dee, you gave your students a wonderful gift that will last them a lifetime.. hopefully they came to realize what a great gift it was.

    Be well, be happy :)

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    1. Dear Pam, I do so hope that the way I touched their lives didn't harm them. To do no harm is a good approach. To do good is truly wonderful, but sometimes all we can hope for in a situation is to do no harm. Peace.

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  22. Dee, The thought that came to my mind as I read this was, "The more things change, the more they stay the same." Intimidation continues to dog so many students, in a multitude of ways, some more more insidious than being poked by a hatpin. Though painful, at least you were aware of it, and could do something about it. I'm frightened by the way today's children are being bullied, and the increased number of suicides.

    I am glad you were there for those students.

    Take care!

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    1. Dear Sandi, you are so right that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Like you, I'm frightened at the viciousness and the lack of remorse displayed by so many bullies today. And the increased number of suicides is tragic and appalling. Peace.

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  23. Children can be so cruel to those who dare to defy the accepted norms, Dee. I too hope Maureen managed to achieve her dream of going to college and having the education she so desired. You certainly did your very best to help her in that journey and I hope too that the less engaged also benefitted from your hard work and dedication.

    This has been a fascinating series of posts.

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    1. Dear Perpetua, I'll probably never know what happened to any of those students. Well, except for one whose sister I still know. His life has been good and productive and happy.

      I'm pleased that you've found this series fascinating. In November I hope to write about the other teaching I did in the convent--nothing so intimidating as those five months in Omaha, however.

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  24. SO sad for her... I do wonder what ever happened to them. I worked at one point of my life with severely abused children. I often wonder what happened to them after they left... we had an 80% "rehab" rate, so many went to functioning homes, but I often wondered about them afterwards... jobs, family, careers... I guess I'll never know.

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    1. Dear Juli, I can't imagine doing what you did--working with "severely abused children." From reading your blog, I'm know that you've retained a sense of humor about life, and I admire you for that because I think that working with children who have lived with abuse would possibly erode any belief I had in humankind's innate goodness. Peace.

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  25. Much of my life I felt like I was just treading water, too. I wouldn't want to go back and relive most of it, but I wouldn't want to trade it away, either. I have many people who have passed through my life (and me through theirs) that I wonder what ever happened to them. The ones I wonder about the most are the meanest, the youngest, the sweetest, the ones who were striving, the saddest, the ones that came in the closest for a moment...and, like you, I can only pray I have done no harm...and maybe actually did some good, if I was lucky. :)

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    1. Dear Rita, that's the thing, the hope that we may actually have done some good--if we were lucky! But always, like the ancient Greek oath that physicians take I want to do no harm. I hope you are feeling better. Take care of yourself. Peace.

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  26. This entire part of your memoir is very disturbing and I am sort of at a loss for words right now. I think because of the school shootings and the suicides of bullied teenagers that are getting so common now. A feeling of helplessness descends on me. As for you being a teacher, all you could really do in this situation was to do the best you could. To show up each day and teach and discipline. I wonder where the parents were though.

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    1. Dear Inger, given what is happening in our country right now--with all the bullying, some of which is leading to school shooting and to suicides--the young girl in Florida the most recent--I, too, find this all disturbing. The bullying done in that 1960 classroom wasn't on line or tweeted or any of those "social media" things. It didn't go "viral" as it does today. We seem to be living in truly tragic times. And I, too, feel helpless. And so I do the only thing I can do. Compliment children when I see them in stores with their parents. Compliment any children I know when I'm with them. Try to help them see that they are beautiful within and without. Peace.

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  27. Hi Dee, you have a penchant for writing and do it exceedingly well my blog friend :)
    Be well, be happy :)

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    1. Dear Pam, thank you for the compliment! I appreciate it as sometimes I feel that my stories lack depth and that I just skirt the surface. Peace.

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  28. My heart goes out to both of these young ladies. As the mother of a teenager, I see first hand the pressure they are under to choose their allies, define themselves, find solace and anonymity in groups. Maureen was the stronger one, the one who was willing to acknowledge her desires and come to you, and Jenny was frightened. I do hope that they both were able to come to terms with their own hopes and dreams and give themselves permission to pursue them despite what others said. I am certain that your influence in that classroom that year made an enormous difference to many of the kids who were lucky enough to have you as a teacher. If nothing else, they found someone who cared enough to challenge them.

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    1. Dear Kario, yes, you have recognized the essence of these two young girls: Maureen honored her desire for education and Jenny was frightened. I so hope that their lives are filled with the possibility for growth in the human spirit on a daily basis and that they recognize that. Peace.

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