Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Meeting Blue


Yesterday, I provided a link to a posting from last year on asthma and how I learned to “tough it out” and “distract myself.” Some of you may have had the time and/or the inclination to read that posting. If so, thank you.
             Perhaps, however, your blogging schedule makes following links impossible, even though you might want to. So for you, here’s a brief synopsis: I was born with asthma. During my first five years, mom and dad rushed me to the hospital six times. I almost died four times. From kindergarten through third grade, I missed three months out of each school year because of asthma attacks. All that changed in the fourth grade.             
            So much for the synopsis. Now I’d like to share with you one of my most cherished childhood memories.
            Toward the end of second grade, Grandpa Ready died, I learned to tell time, my mother shared her philosophy with me at a funeral parlor, and my father tried to murder my mother in the kitchen. All of this I’ve chronicled in the past few weeks.
            The upshot was that my spirits sagged. I was afraid to whine because my parents might leave me again. Asthma always lurked, ready to keep me in bed for as long as a week. I’d miss school and struggle to breathe with my chest feeling as if a sitting giraffe weighed it down. And sure enough, I had an asthma attack in mid-May.            
            During one of those May days, I was lying in my parent’s double bed. I’d made a tent of my knees and pulled the blanket over the tent, my chest, and my head. Beneath the blanket, I gazed at my tented legs and saw them as a futuristic city with spaceships flying under my knees and over my thighs. I imagined Flash Gordon navigating with me. We swooped the city’s towering buildings. Like them, we scraped the sky.


A Flash Gordon comic strip.

            All this imagining helped me distract myself from the coughing. The breathing. The wheezing. But then suddenly all the symptoms grabbed hold of me. I panicked, unable to distract myself or even to tough it out. I felt as if I were drowning in the sea of my own lungs.
            It was then that I experienced mystery.
            Blue engulfed me. Enfolded me. I breathed in Blue. I became Blue.
            “What does that mean?” you might be asking. I don’t know. I know only that I breathed the essence of Blue. It surrounded me. Like a river of peace it flowed through my pores.
            I began to breathe easily. The wheezing ceased. My chest unburdened itself. The height and depth and breadth of Blue seeped into me. I knew Blue. I was known by Blue.


            And ever after, even unto this day, whenever I have difficulty breathing I let myself sink into Blue. I rest there and my breathing finds its natural rhythm again. And I know that I’m not going to drown because I can’t draw or expel air. I’m going to live.
            That mysterious gift didn’t change the frequency of the asthma attacks. For the rest of 1943 and the first seven months of 1944, I experienced them again and again. The difference was that I could enter Blue and rest there.
            And so it was that when fourth grade began, I could set myself the goal of being at school each day. Blue was with me. It reminds me now of that line from one of the Starwars movies: “The force is with you.”
            For me, Blue was the force that enabled me to breathe.



Comics and blue gradations from Wikipedia.

66 comments:

  1. How interesting! I've never heard anything like it before. Blue is supposed to represent calmness, so I can see the logic behind this working for you. Maybe I should try to find Blue in my life!!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by to read this posting. I encourage everyone to sink into the experience. I'm going to post about that next Wednesday. Peace.

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  2. I have had meditative experiences where I've disappeared into the calm of Blue myself. I get it Dee. Truly.

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    1. Dear Michelle, next Wednesday I'm going to post about another experience that came after I began to read books on Buddhism. I was fairly sure you would "get it"!!! Just from reading your blog I never doubted! Peace.

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  3. This is so beautiful, Dee. I'll never look at blue quite the same again.

    Cade struggles with anxiety. I wonder if an idea like this could help him.

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    1. Dear Elisa, this idea is worth a try for all of us I think. Next Wednesday I'll share more. Perhaps that posting could help Cade even more. Peace.

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  4. Very interesting. I'm thankful you found that place where you could feel safe and reclaim yourself.

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    1. Dear Sally, is this something that might help your eldest daughter? But she's probably found her own way to deal with asthma. We mostly all do that I think. Peace.

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  5. Fascinating. I never realized blue could have such a calming affect.

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    1. Dear Stephanie, I think that on the color chart blue is a "cool, calming" color. At least for me it is. Peace.

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  6. An amazing experience, Dee. I've had things come along that have been pure gifts and that I couldn't have made up. In looking back these certain moments in life have changed my course permanently. Your gift of Blue sounds like a similar thing - a wonderful grace from outside yourself, and it helped you live! I'm so happy it did.

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    1. Dear Deanna, yes, a grace given as gift. I'm glad you, too, have experienced this. Peace.

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  7. Very interesting--I think I'll try it!!

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    1. Dear Fishducky, as some ad used to say,"Try it! You'll like it!!" What ad was that??? Peace.

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    2. Life cereal with Mikey! :)

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  8. This is utterly captivating. That you were able to discover it at such a pressing time in your life makes it all the more beautiful. Have you ever found blue at any other time?

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    1. Dear Shelly, yes, I have found Blue at other times. I'll tell about one of those next Wednesday. It's something that happened to me late in my life. Peace.

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  9. What a great discovery for you, Dee! It sounds like a form of meditation, finding calm by focusing and going into an altered state. That's wonderful that it has helped you all your life and, certainly, has enhanced and even perhaps prolonged your life. You found a way so much better than my childhood coping mechanism for painful medical conditions and procedures -- of which there were many during my bouts with polio and disseminated histoplasmosis -- which was to scream so loud I'd go into an altered state. Your road to calm was and is so much healthier.

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    1. Dear Kathy, I've never thought of Blue prolonging my life, but I think you're probably right. You know I think screaming was probably called for in all you faced. It sounds like a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do. And screaming can tire us out so that we can then sleep and rest peacefully. Peace.

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  10. I love your post! It reminds me how BIG the mystery is. It seems my own intuitive abilities have accelerated this year. Maybe having lived through pancreatic cancer last year, or maybe because it is time. Either way, I love the sweet life!
    Thanks for your post.
    Gayle Madden

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    1. Dear Gayle, thanks for stopping by. I'll visit your blog tomorrow. The mystery is BIG. And I have no doubt that your intuitive abilities has accelerated as you've dealt with cancer. Illness helps us let go because we learn that we have little, if any, control. Peace.

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  11. Blue and purple are my favorite colors. I wear blue a lot and now I feel I am a healing source when I walk around in Blue. Beautifully told, Dee. Thank you. :-)

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    1. Dear DJan, I, too, love those colors. In fact, I think that I look really "nifty" in purple! And yes, please do feel that you are a healing source to others--even when you don't wear blue. It's that boundless delight you take in life. Peace.

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  12. You have given a perfect description, yet I must admit I can't really know what it means to "breathe" blue! But it's remarkable! Somehow it feels to me like you were sent angels that wrapped you in a haze of ethereal blue comfort. You had so many complex issues in your childhood, Dee. Some really tough stuff! I feel honored that you will share your life with me in this way. I find myself wanting to slow down and really think about what it is you are saying. You share from depth of firsthand knowledge. Do take care of yourself not to get back to too heavy a schedule until you're fully feeling yourself again! oxo Debra

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    1. Dear Debra, thank you for encouraging me to go slow. I'm trying to follow my friend Judy's dictum "to go with the flow." Next Wednesday, I'll write about another time when those angels "wrapped" me "in a haze of ethereal blue comfort"! A lovely image, Debra. Thank you for it. Peace.

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  13. When stressed and panicky I try and breathe on a square - in and out, outlining the square in my head as I go. I suspect that this method works for me in much the same way blue works for you. And for me, it doesn't matter why it works - it only matters that it does.

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    1. Dear EC, thanks so much for sharing with me the Square. That's just exactly the same way Blue works for me. And you're right--it doesn't matter why just that it does. We are so blessed/lucky/fortunate that the grace of Square and Blue was given us. It may have come from some deep down center of ourselves where our highest good dwells. Peace.

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  14. Your childhood experience sent chills of wonderment up my spine, Dee. To have blue with you to ease your way must have been, and still is, a comfort to you. I look forward to your next posting about it. I hope you are continuing to feel well. As others have encouraged, take it slow. You are a blessing, Dee.

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    1. Dear Penny, yes, it's a great comfort, like a friend I can always rely on. And yes, also, I'm going slow. I'm still a little weary from the asthma of last week. Thank you, Penny, for your kind words. I feel, very sincerely, that you, too, are a blessing in my life. Peace.

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  15. Dear Penny, Blue is, indeed, a great gift. I, too, look forward to next Wednesday's posting. I know the topic, but I never know exactly what I'll say. I simply trust that the story will come from some place deep within me where memory--with all its emotions, its wounds, its glory--lies. Peace.

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  16. It is not surprising to me that you would have discovered this sense of "blueness" as a child. You seem to have been a very intuitive and resourceful little girl! For me, when I am seized with anxiety and dread, I envision myself floating in the middle of a beautiful blue lake. When I close my eyes, I can feel the sun's warmth on my body, and I can "see" the blue of the sky. I try hard to keep that vision until I am calm. I didn't discover this until just a few years ago . . . but, it's helped me calm myself many times.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences.

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    1. Dear Sandi, I so like your envisioning--floating in the blue lake, sky overhead, breeze, clouds. So peaceful. I can see that it would calm you gently and serenely. Peace.

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  17. Glad you found the clamming effect of Blue, Dee.
    My sister had asthma attacks when she was young and scared me to death when she couldn't catch her breath. Its a hard thing to watch.

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    1. Dear Pam, I 'm sure my mom and dad must have been scared often when I was a child. They rushed me to the hospital at a time when no one had insurance for it and mom took such good care of me when I was in the midst of an attack. When the Blue experience took place, I was aware of Mom pottering in the kitchen. I felt safe. Peace.

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  18. What a sense of peace that place gave you. Blue. Lovely.

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    2. Dear Susan, yes, such a sense of peace, relaxing into the joy of Blue. Peace.

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  19. What an amazing experience, Dee: true mysticism. God helps us sometimes in ways we simply cannot comprehend.

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    1. Dear Kate, yes, I, too, know that it was a transcendent experience for which I will always be grateful, even while not comprehending the mystery of it. Peace.

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  20. That is so strange. Whatever does it mean? There are people who say that colours have special properties but I can't any explanation for your experience.

    However, as it helped you, that is all that matters.

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    1. Dear Friko, I've felt, ever since learning the word, that this was a moment of "transcendence." That somehow I became part of the Holy Oneness of All Creation and that the mystery of that poured into me. Two weeks from now, I'll describe another experience like this that is easier to explain because it is so Buddhist.
      Peace.

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  21. Beautiful! I also struggled with childhood asthma and I know exactly how terrifying those attacks can be. I'm so glad you had Blue.

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  22. Dear Emily, I'm so sorry to learn that you had to deal with childhood asthma. I had Blue. What did you have that helped you get through the difficult times? Peace.

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  23. This was just beautiful! Blue!! Blue seems perfect when you said it. It is vast and expansive...like the sky or the ocean. It gave me goosebumps when I read that. :)

    I never thought of a color. I go to a place that is endless bright light, so I guess it is white. But it is that place for me like you speak of--where you're connected to the Oneness. Hard to put into words.

    I'm still smiling. That blue kept you here. You're here for a reason. :):)

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    1. Dear Rita, white or blue, green or purple--it's whatever comforts and relaxes and draws us--as you say--into Oneness. And that's how I feel. As if invisible ribbons of light connect me to all of creation. What I'm so sure of right now is that you are here for a reason also. You certainly have touched my life. Peace.

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  24. What a strange experience and one I am so glad that you had. Blue is a Heavenly colour and it therefore, calming, relaxing and healing...You are deeply loved by God to have been given this.

    Asthma is produced by fear and depending on where you live, one will be more exposed or less exposed to it. A warm dry climate is best. All of my children suffered from this when younger and out grew it as they grew up and moved to a warmer climate. Love Crystal

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    1. Dear Crystal, I don't understand your statement that "asthma is produced by fear." I thought it had a lot to do with allergies. I'd be interested in your thinking. Peace.

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  25. What a life-changing experience!

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    1. Dear Megan, thanks for stopping by. And yes, Blue did change my life. Peace.

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  26. My oldest had asthma but outgrew it before Junior High...

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    1. Dear CelticLady, like your oldest, I. too, outgrew asthma. For me, however, it happened in the fourth grade. Then it came back when I was 66. Bummer!!! Peace.

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  27. When I learned relaxation techniques, visualization, I've automatically incorporated my favorite color, blue, which generally is associated with being on the calm blue surface of a body of water.

    Wonder if there's any relation to what Oliver Sacks has written about individuals who have different neurological sensory connections -- colors have various significant representations for them.

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    1. Dear Joared, I wonder also about a "different neurological sensory connection." The thing I know for sure is that Blue saved my life. Peace.

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  28. I have emphysema, it isn't bad and I only have difficulty breathing when I'm out climbing hills. Well, I often climb hills around here, but I manage. Then came the fires and all that smoke. Dumb Swede that I am, I didn't realize that I now fit in one of those sensitive groups they always talk about on TV, so out I went every morning walking my dogs, with breathing getting more and more difficult as the week went on. The fires are out now and I can breathe fairly well again. When this stuff gets bad, as it will if I live long enough, I will sink into that calming Blue that you discovered as a child. Asthma must be so scary and horrible for anyone, but more so for a child. I am so glad you found this way to peace and calm and I thank you for sharing it with us.

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    1. Dear Inger, I'm distressed to learn that you are having such bad breathing problems. Not being able to get a good breath and struggling with that makes us really tired. Exhausted actually. The chest feels like it's burning/aching. I'm sorry to learn that this is happening for you. But now that you know what can happen, you truly need to be aware of the air quality and whether it's healthy to breathe outside or not. And then you need to stay inside--when you can. I've learned a lot about asthma since it started again for me in 2002 when I was 66. Please be gracious to yourself. Peace.

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  29. I am not surprised in the least that you were able to find a solution within yourself. I love that you associated it with a color (I was taught by my stepmother at a young age to envision green as a healing color and I do so to this day). Good for you for looking within.

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  30. Dear Kari, green has always been a favorite color of mine. I even wrote a short story called "Innocence Is Ever Green" when I was in college. I'm so glad that you, too, have a healing color. It makes a lot of difference, doesn't it. Peace.

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  31. Thanks for sharing your story.

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    1. Hello, thank you for stopping by. Peace today and always.

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  32. Hi Dee, I've been away from your blog for far too long. As always, when I stop by I'm drawn in and blown away by your writing. I love this post about Blue.

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    1. Dear Linda, so good to wake this morning and find a comment from you. Thank you for your kind words about my writing. I was so blessed to find Blue. And my next posting--on Wednesday September 4--will be about another wonderful discovery. Peace.

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  33. Blue is especially calming, and I always associate it with the Virgin Mother. You can almost SEE the blue surrounding her, and coming from her to us.

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  34. it's good to read you again. thanks for your note at my place. i'm slowly working up to a post. my job has been a burden for the last three months. blue is a beautiful place. thanks for pointing my head in that direction here. i just took a dip in the blue ocean.

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  35. This too was my childhood experience as an adoptee experiencing a very deep wound of being deeply alone aged 3,4,5 going to sleep crippled by fearsome loneliness, unimaginable fear of something never specified but present and finding deep comfort in seeing the colour blue behind closed eyes, all pervasive, deep...thank you for sharing - your words have touched me this morning ad inspire me to write too :0)

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