Ménière’s Part 1: Night Terror

. . . sea change in head wakes me . . . groggily rise upright . . . pitch forward, fall sideways between wall and bed . . . bottom hits floor . . . head bangs wall . . . hard . . . feel movement . . . within . . . without . . . spin  . . . movement in head . . . sideways through right ear . . . nauseous . . . try to hold in vomit . . . comes up . . . hold it in . . . hold in it . . . vomit . . . gag  . . “ . . . what's happening? . . . what?” . . . everything spins . . . sheets strangle  . . . try to unwind . . . spin  . . . moon full . . . dimly lit room . . .blur of movement . . . everything rotating . . . right to left . . . walls edge around walls . . . windows move . . . furniture multiplies  . . . ceiling tilting . . . bears down on me . . . floor rising . . . vomit . . . tug  . . . get bedding loose . . . turn over . . . crawl through slime . . . where is door? . . . dark rectangles overlap . . . rotating in slow motion . . . which real? . . . which?            . . . reach forward . . . solid wall . . . solid wall . . . solid . . . open . . . hall . . . top step . . . fumble newel post . . . find it . . . try pull upright . . . everything spinning  . . . blurring . . . outside me . . . inside . . . pitch forward . . . will to lung backward from stairwell . . . thud against wall . . .  hand slams picture . . . falls . . . hits leg . . . pain . . . vomit on wall . . . oozes down . . . fall to floor . . . have to turn on light . . . try to claw up wall . . . fumble for wall switch . . . rotating  . . . multiply  . . . find it . . . click on . . . reach for newel post . . . which real? . . . which? . . . hand swishes air . . . everything multiplies . . . spindles move . . . too many for banister . . . which real? . . . all move . . . march downward . . . steps shift downward . . . pictures multiply . . . everything five . . . five shapes . . . moving  . . . overlap  . . . rotating round . . . round . . . nothing fixed . . . head heavy . . . effort to hold upright . . . pitch forward . . . start to topple . . .  grab for railing . . . real? . . . real?  . . . grip solid handrail . . . creaks . . . wobbles . . . how to manage steps? . . . narrow steps . . . steep . . . can’t sit . . . can’t bump down . . . will tumble to bottom . . . break neck . . . must stand upright . . . walk down . . . step down . . . somehow get feet on moving steps . . . which solid? . . . something must be solid . . . permanent . . . can’t figure out . . . thoughts oppressive . . . heavy . . . slurry . . . disjointed . . . weigh me down . . . pant  . . . hand trembles  . . . grip newel post . . . if lose rail, fall forward . . . have to descend steps . . . safe in kitchen . . . bathroom . . . gag . . . vomit in mouth . . . can’t hold it . . . spews on steps . . . which ones have vomit? . . . which real? . . . put one foot down . . . search for solid tread . . . only space . . . feel something solid . . . put foot down . . . bring down second foot . . . hold onto rail . . . lean left . . . vomit rises in throat . . . must keep down . . . can’t vomit on steps . . . could slip . . . fall . . . gag . . . grope for rail . . . find it . . . one hand gropes . . . finds solid . . . put other hand on rail . . . hold tight . . . one foot down into space . . . find next tread . . . second foot down . . . two feet on solid tread . . . next . . . next . . . body strains forward . . . equilibrium gone . . . everything  swirling . . . blur . . . nothing but blur . . . nothing  fixed . . . hold vomit in . . . hold in . . . gag . . . get to bottom . . . turn down hallway . . . nothing to hold onto . . .  pitch forward . . . chills . . . shaking . . . crawl down hall . . . through dining room . . . into kitchen . . . reach up . . . grab countertop . . . pull upright . . . click light . . . everything  rotating . . . swirling . . . blur . . . blur . . . multiplies . . . ceiling slopes . . . pictures moving . . . edging round me  . . . counter not in place . . . floor slanting . . . moving under me . . . hold onto countertop . . . hold on . . . hold on . . . hold on . . . bathroom door . . . hold on . . . click light . . . nothing  to hold onto . . . pitch to floor . . . bang forehead . . . crawl to toilet . . . vomit . . . violent vomit  . . . nothing left . . . stomach empty . . . eyes tearing . . . bile . . . yellow . . . stomach hurts . . . throat raw . . . snot dribbles from nose . . . body shudders . . . dripping sweat  . . . crawl back into kitchen . . . reach for countertop . . . pull upright . . . everything  rotates . . . floor . . . walls . . . ceil  . . . furniture . . . pictures . . . inside of head swirls . . . what’s happening? What . . . is . . . happening? What?