tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post8993167936741205985..comments2024-02-21T14:12:55.866-06:00Comments on coming home to myself: The Aftermath of MolestationDeehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-41771170621849528432013-02-19T12:15:10.223-06:002013-02-19T12:15:10.223-06:00Dear Rosie, yes, he seemed so wizened and wrinkled...Dear Rosie, yes, he seemed so wizened and wrinkled. I'd made him into a giant and he was just a frail human being. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-76515621340175547772013-02-19T10:16:04.400-06:002013-02-19T10:16:04.400-06:00I respect your bravery in firstly going to the fun...I respect your bravery in firstly going to the funeral home and then introducing yourself to that man. I'm not surprised he didn't know who you were. <br />I love how you remembered him as a huge man but this person in the funeral home was A "pipsqueak" of a man someone so small he could've been blown over by the wind. dearrosiehttp://rosannefreed.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-18807575130184348012013-02-16T12:28:39.696-06:002013-02-16T12:28:39.696-06:00Dear Broad, you've really put all this into pe...Dear Broad, you've really put all this into perspective. The problems continue and the law--police and judges--take a while to realize the seriousness of all this. It does seem, from your examples, that a victim is damned if she reports and damned if she doesn't. What a strange and weary world we live in. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-44433998854296925312013-02-15T09:22:34.820-06:002013-02-15T09:22:34.820-06:00Here in the UK there has been a terrible scandal ...Here in the UK there has been a terrible scandal concerning a once loved creature named Jimmy Savile -- he was a huge celebrity known for his charitable works over many many years. He had television shows and was a huge BBC star. He died in his 80's in 2011. Suddenly complaints began to surface about his rampant sexual abuse of young girls -- it's thought the numbers involved are in the hundreds. Even though complaints were made many times to police and to higher ups in the BBC no action was ever taken against him and he continued to find favour, even acquiring a knighthood, until the day he died. Now, as as a result of this scandal, there have been a number of other celebrities arrested and brought to trial because officials are taking accusations seriously. When you were growing up and when I was growing up it was something you didn't dare talk about -- sex and sexuality were taboo subjects. And in some ways things still have not changed. A week or so ago a young woman committed suicide because of the way she was cross-examined by the lawyer, a woman, defending her alleged rapist. Many people thought the judge should have intervened against her severe questioning. The point being that it really takes a great deal of bravery to confront an abuser in a court of law. One judge, a man, last year threatened to have a woman arrested if she refused to testify against her attacker. So you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The Broadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04976467218216864644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-3220315310001717742013-02-13T12:46:36.470-06:002013-02-13T12:46:36.470-06:00Dear Susan, thanks for commenting on the book cove...Dear Susan, thanks for commenting on the book cover. I'm liking it too!!! Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-79311723396681989962013-02-12T17:15:53.496-06:002013-02-12T17:15:53.496-06:00It was good to see some sort of full-circle here. ...It was good to see some sort of full-circle here. I love the new book cover!Susan Kanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09834094675218254410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-22465832038390043622013-02-11T02:28:58.396-06:002013-02-11T02:28:58.396-06:00Dear Vagabonde, I'm sorry to learn that you to...Dear Vagabonde, I'm sorry to learn that you too when through this. For myself, it so influenced my life--perhaps because of what had gone before--that I've needed to discuss it with counselors so as to see how this puzzle piece fits into the overall arc of my life. Writing about it really helps me put it in perspective. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-40734558573261729142013-02-10T10:25:43.952-06:002013-02-10T10:25:43.952-06:00You know Dee I think that, unfortunately, many li...You know Dee I think that, unfortunately, many little girls had to go through what you did, one way or another – I know I did. But, even though I knew what my great uncle did to me was wrong, I tried to forget it – and I did, until I read your post. So, it depends on how it affects you or you let it affect you in the long run. I never told anyone and know I could not ever write about it – I want it to be kept forgotten.Vagabondehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10774109692564954568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-82587378801462775292013-02-09T09:49:38.406-06:002013-02-09T09:49:38.406-06:00Dear Kari, your writing is so powerful. I think ar...Dear Kari, your writing is so powerful. I think are your readers want you to reach a much larger audience. That's one of the reasons I was so thrilled for you when your essay was published in that recent books. I hope for more of that happening for you. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-8436225739977255922013-02-09T09:46:42.729-06:002013-02-09T09:46:42.729-06:00Dear Debra, I have given a lot of thought to this ...Dear Debra, I have given a lot of thought to this because it and two or three other things that happened in about a three-year period so affected the way I felt about sexual and men/women relationships. What I don't know is why other young girls have been molested and/or abused and they have come out of it so able to establish sexual relationships. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-53735061531819256542013-02-09T09:44:48.808-06:002013-02-09T09:44:48.808-06:00Dear Mimi, you are welcome. Peace.Dear Mimi, you are welcome. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-2727832667659253542013-02-09T09:44:27.464-06:002013-02-09T09:44:27.464-06:00Dear Heidrun, yes, I think that perhaps he had bee...Dear Heidrun, yes, I think that perhaps he had been. He was so gruff. And I wonder how much love he'd known in his own childhood. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-45994955839967720792013-02-09T00:46:04.057-06:002013-02-09T00:46:04.057-06:00You amaze me with your strength! To have gone to t...You amaze me with your strength! To have gone to the funeral home, and to extend your hand to this man, took guts, Dee! I look forward to hearing more. You have given a lot of thought to how the period of molestation affected your entire life, and it is amazing to me that you can share it now. I will be ready to hear the next part of the very impactful story! oxo <br /><br />Debra (http://www.breathelighter.wordpress.com) <br /><br />I have a feeling you haven't been getting my responses again...hmmmm. Using the "anonymous" setting seems to work. Mysterious, huh? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-60206296409211996632013-02-08T19:53:33.594-06:002013-02-08T19:53:33.594-06:00thank you for writing your story.thank you for writing your story.Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062266088887216663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-48669016719820113842013-02-08T18:13:08.857-06:002013-02-08T18:13:08.857-06:00Thank you, my dear. I am glad that my words resona...Thank you, my dear. I am glad that my words resonate with you. And I do so appreciate your support of my writing. <br /><br />Love.kariohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10150537989886423212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-29823057358319758872013-02-08T15:18:59.519-06:002013-02-08T15:18:59.519-06:00I wondered how the meeting would go. I imagine he ...I wondered how the meeting would go. I imagine he would have had to push thoughts out of his mind. Likely all of his wrong doings were part of an imbalanced mind and he too may have been abused. The circle of this is wider than we once imagined. More people are now admitting to abuse.Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16174142810114806410noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-5904210619238418542013-02-08T06:20:54.243-06:002013-02-08T06:20:54.243-06:00Dear Perpetua, I agree with your understanding of ...Dear Perpetua, I agree with your understanding of what lies behind pedophilia. And sometimes I wonder if there is more today of it--which may not be true because things weren't reported when I young--because of women taking their rightful place in society. I wonder if this doesn't truly threaten these immature men. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-81498925444126687872013-02-08T06:07:08.822-06:002013-02-08T06:07:08.822-06:00It took great courage and maturity to do as you di...It took great courage and maturity to do as you did, Dee, and i'm sorry it didn't have the effect of breaking the hold the abuse had had on your life. I too think Mr Jackson didn't recognise you because he'd never really seen you as a person, just as a way of satisfying his own inadequate desires. <br /><br />Paedophilia seems to me to be the product of profound selfishness and inadequacy - a way of finding personal satisfaction without having to consider the needs or feelings of others, as a man would have to do in a relationship with an adult woman.Perpetuahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01214396019726161983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-27772959967670584622013-02-08T04:31:07.228-06:002013-02-08T04:31:07.228-06:00Dear Manzanita, I agree that he probably did this ...Dear Manzanita, I agree that he probably did this to others, especially his daughter. I wonder also what he did to his wife. I suspect from reading your blog that you are greatly magnanimous most of the time. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-66488222281480697342013-02-08T04:29:21.308-06:002013-02-08T04:29:21.308-06:00Dear Penny, the thing was that Mr. Jackson's s...Dear Penny, the thing was that Mr. Jackson's son had nothing to do with what Mr. Jackson had done. And so I truly never thought about not going. I just felt frissons of fear as I thought about what I'd encounter at the funeral parlor. <br /><br />And yes, times truly have changed and there are services and reporting is considered what to do today. But oh, the very fact that it continues to happen with such frequency is heartbreaking. I've never been able to do much reading about pedophiles but I wonder if they simply cannot face the emerging power of women in our world and so turn to children. I don't know of course, but it's the thought that comes to me. The men never matured and so they are attracted by children. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-58336480898486212822013-02-08T04:24:35.432-06:002013-02-08T04:24:35.432-06:00Dear Molly, It's true that in those days of th...Dear Molly, It's true that in those days of the forties, we didn't question our elders. In fact, I don't think I even thought about questioning them. And I think our parents really didn't think about reporting him because that also wasn't thought of. These things were kept secret and in the family. <br /><br />I'll go to Wisewebwoman's blog to read the posting you mention. Thank you for drawing me attention to it. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-42935663086154080632013-02-08T04:22:18.758-06:002013-02-08T04:22:18.758-06:00Dear Stephanie, thank you for your kind words. The...Dear Stephanie, thank you for your kind words. The sad truth is that so many, many children go through this. And if I let myself think about that too long or too hard I fall into melancholy for the tragedy of it. And so I then need to say the words of Julian of Norwich that have comforted me and helped me find my center for so many years: "And all shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be exceedingly well." Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-67338336138393523842013-02-08T04:20:00.765-06:002013-02-08T04:20:00.765-06:00Dear Joanne, I'm glad you like the "pictu...Dear Joanne, I'm glad you like the "picture." A friend came to my computer in late May 2011 and introduced me to Blogger. I really didn't understand the concept of a picture/icon to accompany my comments and so I chose the scene of lake and goose and surrounding glory to show the coming home to myself that was to be the name of the blog. <br /><br />Thank you for signing on. I mostly forget to do that as I bookmark all my favorite sites and visit them from the bookmark. I bookmarked yours after I visited but when I next return to it, I'll also sign on. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-27581891674807515052013-02-08T04:16:41.227-06:002013-02-08T04:16:41.227-06:00Dear Kari, as someone who has read your blog for a...Dear Kari, as someone who has read your blog for a year and a half now and who has again and again applauded the direction of your moral compass, I want to say a profound thank you for your words here. They are so true to what I have come to know about life and my experience of it. <br /><br />And they remind me of a posting you made recently about yourself and forgiveness. If anyone is reading these comments and responses, I hope they will click on the following URL to read that posting of yours: http://the-writing-life.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-balm-of-spring.html<br /><br />On Tuesday, I finished reading a novel that I believe should be awarded the Booker this year. And every other writing award for a novel that is a mystery.<br />It is a tour de force--I dare say a masterpiece--by the Canadian author Louise Penny, entitled "The Beautiful Mystery." <br /><br />And within its pages I encountered the whole concept of darkness within the human spirit and forgiveness. The writing makes me think of you, Kari. I do so hope you consider getting your posts published. Peace.Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00612299013780771262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-195629195750583833.post-13289518172234380632013-02-07T20:35:21.614-06:002013-02-07T20:35:21.614-06:00I do think you were quite brave and strong to atte...I do think you were quite brave and strong to attend your friend's wake, Dee, and to handle yourself as you did for the sake of your friend and your brother. Not an easy thing to do, for sure. While these horrendous molestations still go on, we at least now have services in place to help children. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com